Category: wellbeing

What Causes Imposter Syndrome and How Do You Get Through It?

Posted on by Allan Johnson in wellbeing

Imposter syndrome refers to the belief that a person is not as intelligent or successful as they are perceived to be by others. Imposter syndrome often affects people who are very successful or high achievers in their field of work. People who have high levels of internalised imposter feelings may feel that they have cheated in some way to get where they are in lifeor that they are only considered competent in a job or relationship because of luck or external factors. These feelings can lead to anxiety, an overwhelming desire to please others, and a constant fear of being found out.

The term was first coined by Suzanne Imes and Pauline Clance 50 years ago, but seems to have become more widespread in recent years. A person suffering from imposter syndrome is usually unable to internalise their achievements and feels that they are actually just a ‘fraud’ or ‘imposter’ and do not deserve their success. Although people with imposter syndrome know they are intelligent and capable, they feel they are a fraud and do not deserve their success.

There seems to be an evolutionary explanation for imposter syndrome. To the human mind, a social risk such as shame or embarrassment is perceived in the same way as a physical risk, because for our earliest ancestors, exclusion from the tribe was tantamount to death. So humans have an innate tendency to be alert to social judgements and threats of shame, and, in many ways, the imposter syndrome is a form of self-protection.

However, this does not mean that we have to be guided by mental models developed for the hunter-gatherer age. Imposter syndrome makes us more cautious, less willing to take risks, and more inclined to stay in our comfort zone. This is good to a certain extent, but in many cases imposter syndrome can become a limiting belief that prevents us from doing things that might challenge us and help us grow. It becomes problematic when our self-protective mechanisms become so extreme that they actually put us at risk of failure and self-sabotage.

Instead of resisting the experience of imposter syndrome, we need to learn to accept it. When we experience imposter syndrome, we can mitigate our experience by recognising that it is part of a larger process, that we are vulnerable, and that as human beings we are particularly vulnerable to anxiety. When we suffer from imposter syndrome, we need to expand to a larger reality by accessing the inner strength and resources we can draw from to feel more confident, manage our fears and expand our comfort zone. As human beings, we need to be able to make mistakes and be imperfect because that is the only way we can learn and grow. When we are able to remember our humanity and our ability to bounce back, we can begin to take responsibility for our experiences.

To break the cycle of imposter syndrome, we need to introduce new beliefs and new ways of thinking. It is important to recognise that imposter syndrome is a perception, a story and a belief we tell ourselves about the world. Imposter syndrome is an illusion, a drive triggered by fear and self-doubt, and it is temporary. When we experience imposter syndrome, we need to take a step back, take a breath, reflect and engage with our bodies. We do not have to believe our thoughts and stories unquestioningly. Instead, we can explore the nature of our mind and realise that the moment we question our automatic reactions, we make space for something else. Once we recognise imposter syndrome for what it is, we can begin to let go of our negative relationship to it.

The key to being less vulnerable to imposter syndrome is to become aware of the beliefs and stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and our world. Part of the illusion that imposter syndrome creates is that we downplay all the smaller achievements we make every day. When we suffer from imposter syndrome, we do not allow ourselves to acknowledge our own achievements because we simply do not believe them. We ignore the small acts of courage and strength we perform every day and fail to recognise the extent to which we help others. It is not always the big, obvious achievements that matter most. Very often it is the small, everyday successes that show us that we are constantly growing and developing. We can begin to break the cycle of imposter syndrome by looking for evidence of our competence and intelligence, even in the smallest things. When imposter syndrome sets in, acknowledge the invisible accomplishments that others do not see.

Imposter syndrome is a self-protective mechanism, but we can change it. When we expand to a greater reality of our own achievements, we have the opportunity to replace the imposter story with new stories that empower us. We can use the power of these new stories to support, protect and nurture us. We can encourage ourselves with stories of our courage, resilience, kindness and authenticity. These are the stories that help us cultivate the self-compassion, self-confidence and courage we need to overcome imposter syndrome.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life. 

How to Lead a Lifestyle that Supports Your Values

Posted on by Allan Johnson in intention, wellbeing

Your values guide your decisions and set the rhythm of your life. They are the reason you do what you do. A lifestyle that supports your values means that you live your authentic version of yourself in all areas of your life, including at work, with your family, and other aspects of your life that are important to you. It leaves you with greater energy, passion, and power. It is a lifestyle that lets you live in the moment because you are going your own way.

I have found four crucial elements that help you do this: Purpose, Alignment, Strengths and Courage. Let us look at these elements a little more closely.

Purpose. 

Your life has a purpose. That purpose is to live your values and be an authentic version of yourself. To learn about yourself, you first need to get in touch with your feelings. You have to listen to your feelings and learn to trust your feelings. You will know that you are in touch with your feelings when you start to notice your feelings. You will know that you are living your destiny when you remain true to yourself in your thoughts, feelings, actions, relationships, and beliefs. The more you learn about what is important to you, the more you will know what is important to you and the more you will know what is right for you. When you follow what is right for you, then you are true to yourself. This is a very important part of learning to love yourself.

Alignment. 

Alignment is more than just doing what seems right in the moment. To align yourself with your higher values, you first need to create a vision of who you really want to be, with a clear understand of what is important to you and what you want to achieve in your life. Having a clear vision is not a one-time process. It takes time and effort, and you need to make it a daily exercise. To live an authentic life, it is important that you let your purpose guide your future. It is important to be true to yourself in every moment of your life. Remember that your only goal in life is to live your values and truly embody them. In turn, your values become the guide for your actions. If you are in tune with your values, then you are on the right path. You make the decisions that are right for you. You are living the life that is right for you. You are living your values. You are true to yourself.

Strengths.

The more you walk your own path, the more you will discover your own strengths, and the more you discover your own strengths, the more confident you will be in yourself. When you are true to yourself, your value-led actions build upon your strengths and help you to develop strength in new areas.  When you live your values and use your strengths, you feel comfortable in your skin. You feel confident. You feel excited. You feel alive. This is a very important part of the life you love. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. The more you follow your own path and the more you believe in your own strength, the more you will love yourself and the more you will allow yourself to love others.

Courage. 

It takes a lot of courage to follow your own path. You will need to be courageous in all areas of your life. The courage to stand up for your values is not easy. It is a lifelong journey. It is a journey of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-discovery. And, most importantly, It is a journey of constant growth. Through connecting to your inherent strength, you can hone the courage to take risks and stay true to yourself. There will be people who do not agree with you. There will be people who feel threatened by your authenticity. There will be people who will criticise and judge you.  If you have the courage to stand up for your values and do what is right for you, then you can live a life that matches your values.

When you are in tune with these values, your life becomes more embodied and authentic, and you develop more confidence to pursue greater goals and aspirations in life. Lasting success comes when you consistently make the right choices every day. You will find that you have more time, more energy, and more freedom to be yourself.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life. 

How to Accept Yourself Without Losing Yourself in the Process

Posted on by Allan Johnson in compassion, wellbeing

For many of us, it can be difficult to accept the parts of ourselves that we do not like. We are often at war with ourselves, constantly fighting with the voices in our head. Maybe we struggle with the way we look, maybe we struggle with the way we act, maybe we struggle with the way we think.

Issues around self-acceptance are complex. They arise from our own experiences, our judgements of ourselves and the way we compare ourselves to other people. If we have been wounded, suffered trauma, or been treated badly, we easily get stuck in the past or judge ourselves harshly. This can lead to an inner critic that is constantly with us, telling us that we are not good enough and not worthy of love.

The way we treat ourselves has a big impact on the way we treat other people. If we constantly blame ourselves, it is unlikely that we will treat other people with compassion and respect. If we compare ourselves to other people, we will see ourselves as losers.

The goal is to be with yourself, accept yourself and be yourself. To be a different kind of person, to have a more positive attitude, to have a more compassionate attitude, to have a more loving relationship with yourself. It’s important to acknowledge that accepting yourself can be difficult if you do not know how. Here are five simple ways to start:

1. Appreciate your uniqueness.

Like each of us, you are unique. You are one of a kind. Your life matters and it impacts the lives of others. This may seem like a very basic idea, but it is an idea that is not always easy to live by. We may know this on an intellectual level, but the message does not always penetrate to the deeper level of our minds. At a deep level we can feel disconnected and isolated. We can feel that we do not belong. When we do not feel like we belong, we find it difficult to feel connected and valued.

How can we accept ourselves? There is no magic formula. However, there are some very useful principles to keep in mind. First of all, we should remember that we are all still developing. This means that we are not perfect. Nor will we ever be. We are all imperfect, and trying to change that is a fruitless endeavour. We do not have to be perfect to accept ourselves. On the contrary, if we accept ourselves, we are more likely to want to improve. If we accept ourselves at the core, we can also accept the fact that we are constantly growing and developing and that our lives have value. When we accept ourselves, we are able to start from a place of appreciation.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

It is natural for us to compare ourselves to other people. We compare our appearance, intelligence, personality, skills and abilities. We compare our social status and position in life. We compare our talents, our success and our failures. We compare everything! You are you, and no one is like you. No matter how similar two people are, they are never exactly the same. They have their own thoughts, feelings, habits, behaviours and beliefs. Even if you have a twin, he or she will be different from you, even if those differences are small. And if you are the only person in the world, you still have your own unique personality, thoughts, feelings, habits, behaviours and beliefs.

3. Focus on what you have, not on what you do not have.

The more we focus on what we do not have, the more unhappy, ungrateful, and dissatisfied we become. We believe that happiness and contentment come from outside ourselves. We believe that we must have certain things to be happy and that we must meet certain standards before we can be content or happy. In fact, this is not true. Happiness and contentment come from within. It comes from our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of the world.

The more we focus on what we do not have, the unhappier we will be. The more we focus on what we do not have, the less able we are to accept ourselves. Our self-esteem is closely linked to our ability to appreciate and accept ourselves. The more we focus on our strengths and our good points, the more we will feel good about ourselves. The more we can accept ourselves as human beings, with all our positive and negative qualities, the more we will be able to love ourselves.

4. Give yourself some breathing space.

One of the biggest challenges in life is to give ourselves the space to be ourselves. We are so busy trying to please others, live up to our responsibilities and achieve everything else in life that we forget to take care of ourselves. We forget to allow ourselves to feel and express our feelings. We may even deny our feelings and refuse to acknowledge that we have feelings at all. If this is the case, you may find it difficult to accept yourself and your feelings.

You may also find it difficult to accept your own needs and desires. We are often very hard on ourselves. If we do not give ourselves enough space, then we do not allow ourselves to be ourselves. We do not allow ourselves to be human. We do not allow ourselves to make mistakes. We do not allow ourselves to have emotions. We do not allow ourselves to fall short of our own expectations. We do not allow ourselves to have feelings of anger, anxiety or fear. We do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. If we do not allow ourselves to be human, then it can be difficult to accept ourselves in our full humanity.

5. Focus on what is important to you.

Once we have accepted ourselves, we can begin to live a life that is in line with our values and principles. We can begin to focus on what is important to us. We can begin to focus on what we want instead of everything we think we should want. The more we focus on what is important to us, the more we will be able to accept ourselves. We will accept who we are, and we will accept what we have. We will accept our past, and we will accept our present and our future.

The more we accept ourselves, the more we can love ourselves and the more we can love others. When it comes to happiness and success in life, it is important to remember that there is no right and wrong. There is no should or should not and no right or wrong ways to be happy and successful. If we want to be happy and successful, we have to find the right path for us. We have to find a way that is in line with what is important to us and with what makes us feel good. This is the best path we can take. This is the only way that will work for us.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life. 

How to Live Intentionally

Posted on by Allan Johnson in intention, wellbeing

Living with intention means taking conscious actions that are in alignment with your deepest values and passions. It means walking through your world with a firm focus, a clear vision, and an unwavering gaze. It is about consciously choosing your thoughts and behaviours rather than allowing your thoughts and behaviours to be a product of your world. We have to choose to be intentional. Ideas, beliefs, and intentions create our environment, experiences and circumstances. We can create a world that supports the things we value and desire, or, alternatively, we can create a life that moves us further away from our values.

Intention is the seamless connection of your present situation with your highest, most meaningful goals. It is a way of being that involves daily, conscious choices. It means living wholeheartedly, without ego or fear, in the moment and without worrying about the future. It is a way of acting, of doing. Living with intention means first and foremost making a choice. When you align your thoughts and energy with your intentions, you create an environment that supports your goals or desires. When we are intentional and choose our thoughts and behaviour, we can direct our lives and we can direct them in a positive direction: the direction we desire. We can choose our thoughts and our actions because thoughts are not outside of us, and neither are our actions. This is what it means to be in the now.

There is a difference between living with intention and choosing to live your life in a certain way to achieve short-term goals. Intention is about making conscious choices for long-term happiness, meaning, and fulfilment, and working towards those goals. But intention is about realising that happiness is possible in the present, no matter what is happening around you. It is about learning to live each day with gratitude and finding peace in each moment. When you learn to live with intention, you can be fully present and attentive to the world around you. You can choose to be fully engaged with your surroundings and the people around you.

Intention is about taking action. It is about being fully present, engaging in the moment and making each day a new beginning. Living with intention is a state of engagement that leads you to make choices that are more mindful and more aligned with your values. When you act with intention, the world comes alive for you and this helps you to create new possibilities for the life you want to live. Living with intention is a way of being in the world, it is a way of being who you are and what you do while choosing to be fully present and noticing what is happening and what surrounds you. Do not wait and worry about the future, but be fully present in the moment. When you learn to live in the moment, you will find that the world lives with you.

Through meditation and understanding the processes of the mind and how the mind works, we understand the main causes and origins of our thoughts, attitudes, emotions and actions. We can understand that our actions, thoughts, and emotions arise from our beliefs and that the messages our mind sends are often not logical. This allows us to become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, understand their origins and learn from them. We can use this knowledge to choose what we believe and thus influence our thoughts, attitudes, and feelings. As a result, we can begin to act with pure intention and live with a clear, strong, and unwavering vision that enables us to make choices that are optimal for us and bring us closer to the things we really want and value in life.

You may want to reflect on these prompts about intentional living in your journal:

  • 1) What do you want to achieve in life?
  • 2) How will achieving this change your life?
  • 3) How can you achieve this? What needs to happen?
  • 4) How far along the path are you?
  • 5) What will you consciously do today to get closer to this goal?

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life. 

Igniting your Creativity

Posted on by Allan Johnson in creativity, habits, wellbeing

Discovering your inner creativity begins with looking inside yourself. It is about understanding your feelings, your emotions, your past experiences, and your patterns of behaviour. As you learn to tune out the voice of self-doubt and listen instead to the voice of your inner wisdom, you begin to find your true voice and express yourself as you wish.

It is not always easy to let go of the fear of judgement and failure. However, when you are creative in the way you want to be, you will feel the sense of fulfilment that comes from knowing you are ‘doing something’ rather than ‘doing nothing’ and focusing on something that is meaningful to you. You begin to live your life according to your own ideas rather than those of others. You begin to find your voice and let go of the voice of self-doubt within you. By expressing your creativity in the way that feels right for you, you get more in touch with your inner wisdom, become more self-aware and gain more confidence.

There are so many ways to express your creativity: painting, sculpture, breadmaking, housekeeping, writing, dancing, design, photography, sketching, furniture making, journaling, scrapbook, modelling, cooking, acting, and jewellery making. These creative activities teach you the courage to let go of fear and self-doubt and, instead, to listen to the voice of your inner wisdom, define your values, set goals and start living your life on your own terms.

If you have not thought much about developing your creativity, getting started can be the hardest part. Often it is the thought of starting something that stops us from starting at all. Starting on something new does not mean that you can not make any more mistakes. It is about stepping out of your comfort zone and going your own way and realising that it is okay to make mistakes along the way. In fact, it is okay to make mistakes. It is about learning from your mistakes, paying attention to what is happening around you, how you feel, what is important to you and what you need to do to get what you want. It’s about stepping into your power and living your life on your own terms

Here are some things to think about:

  • What is your passion?
  • How would you like to be remembered?
  • What would the world look like if everyone had the courage to live life on their own terms? 

Answer these questions openly and honestly. Take your time, write down the answers, and let your ideas flow. When you have finished, take a moment to read your responses. How do you feel when you look at what you’ve written? Do you feel excited? Do you feel encouraged? Do you feel motivated? If you have any of these feelings, then you have already taken a positive step towards becoming a more creative person.

There are so many ways to be creative. Think of the things you like to do and the things you do regularly. Are there ways you could be more creative in any of these areas? Is there something you hear on the radio or see on TV that you could create or do yourself? Is there something you already do that you could change or do differently? Is there someone you know who you could help to develop their creativity? Is there something you could do to make yourself feel more alive, excited, or energised? Explore these feelings and consider what steps you could take to become more creative in the way you want.

Today is a new day to be creative! Now that you have taken some time to self-reflect, you are in a position to shape your life according to your own ideas. Make it your mission to be creative every day. Choose a project, take some time for yourself, and do something you enjoy! Let go of the fear of failure and instead enjoy the moment. Express yourself. Be creative. Become the person you want to become. If you have not already, take some time to write down your creativity goals that will help you take action and start making positive changes in your life.

Take the time to listen to your own heart, discover your own truths, express yourself in the way that feels right for you, act and do something. Be creative in the way you choose and take the time to follow your own path. Through creativity you learn to live your life on your own terms, to trust yourself and let go of fear, to listen to your inner voice and come into your power.

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