Tag: acceptance

How to Accept Yourself Without Losing Yourself in the Process

Posted on by Allan Johnson in compassion, wellbeing

For many of us, it can be difficult to accept the parts of ourselves that we do not like. We are often at war with ourselves, constantly fighting with the voices in our head. Maybe we struggle with the way we look, maybe we struggle with the way we act, maybe we struggle with the way we think.

Issues around self-acceptance are complex. They arise from our own experiences, our judgements of ourselves and the way we compare ourselves to other people. If we have been wounded, suffered trauma, or been treated badly, we easily get stuck in the past or judge ourselves harshly. This can lead to an inner critic that is constantly with us, telling us that we are not good enough and not worthy of love.

The way we treat ourselves has a big impact on the way we treat other people. If we constantly blame ourselves, it is unlikely that we will treat other people with compassion and respect. If we compare ourselves to other people, we will see ourselves as losers.

The goal is to be with yourself, accept yourself and be yourself. To be a different kind of person, to have a more positive attitude, to have a more compassionate attitude, to have a more loving relationship with yourself. It’s important to acknowledge that accepting yourself can be difficult if you do not know how. Here are five simple ways to start:

1. Appreciate your uniqueness.

Like each of us, you are unique. You are one of a kind. Your life matters and it impacts the lives of others. This may seem like a very basic idea, but it is an idea that is not always easy to live by. We may know this on an intellectual level, but the message does not always penetrate to the deeper level of our minds. At a deep level we can feel disconnected and isolated. We can feel that we do not belong. When we do not feel like we belong, we find it difficult to feel connected and valued.

How can we accept ourselves? There is no magic formula. However, there are some very useful principles to keep in mind. First of all, we should remember that we are all still developing. This means that we are not perfect. Nor will we ever be. We are all imperfect, and trying to change that is a fruitless endeavour. We do not have to be perfect to accept ourselves. On the contrary, if we accept ourselves, we are more likely to want to improve. If we accept ourselves at the core, we can also accept the fact that we are constantly growing and developing and that our lives have value. When we accept ourselves, we are able to start from a place of appreciation.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

It is natural for us to compare ourselves to other people. We compare our appearance, intelligence, personality, skills and abilities. We compare our social status and position in life. We compare our talents, our success and our failures. We compare everything! You are you, and no one is like you. No matter how similar two people are, they are never exactly the same. They have their own thoughts, feelings, habits, behaviours and beliefs. Even if you have a twin, he or she will be different from you, even if those differences are small. And if you are the only person in the world, you still have your own unique personality, thoughts, feelings, habits, behaviours and beliefs.

3. Focus on what you have, not on what you do not have.

The more we focus on what we do not have, the more unhappy, ungrateful, and dissatisfied we become. We believe that happiness and contentment come from outside ourselves. We believe that we must have certain things to be happy and that we must meet certain standards before we can be content or happy. In fact, this is not true. Happiness and contentment come from within. It comes from our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of the world.

The more we focus on what we do not have, the unhappier we will be. The more we focus on what we do not have, the less able we are to accept ourselves. Our self-esteem is closely linked to our ability to appreciate and accept ourselves. The more we focus on our strengths and our good points, the more we will feel good about ourselves. The more we can accept ourselves as human beings, with all our positive and negative qualities, the more we will be able to love ourselves.

4. Give yourself some breathing space.

One of the biggest challenges in life is to give ourselves the space to be ourselves. We are so busy trying to please others, live up to our responsibilities and achieve everything else in life that we forget to take care of ourselves. We forget to allow ourselves to feel and express our feelings. We may even deny our feelings and refuse to acknowledge that we have feelings at all. If this is the case, you may find it difficult to accept yourself and your feelings.

You may also find it difficult to accept your own needs and desires. We are often very hard on ourselves. If we do not give ourselves enough space, then we do not allow ourselves to be ourselves. We do not allow ourselves to be human. We do not allow ourselves to make mistakes. We do not allow ourselves to have emotions. We do not allow ourselves to fall short of our own expectations. We do not allow ourselves to have feelings of anger, anxiety or fear. We do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. If we do not allow ourselves to be human, then it can be difficult to accept ourselves in our full humanity.

5. Focus on what is important to you.

Once we have accepted ourselves, we can begin to live a life that is in line with our values and principles. We can begin to focus on what is important to us. We can begin to focus on what we want instead of everything we think we should want. The more we focus on what is important to us, the more we will be able to accept ourselves. We will accept who we are, and we will accept what we have. We will accept our past, and we will accept our present and our future.

The more we accept ourselves, the more we can love ourselves and the more we can love others. When it comes to happiness and success in life, it is important to remember that there is no right and wrong. There is no should or should not and no right or wrong ways to be happy and successful. If we want to be happy and successful, we have to find the right path for us. We have to find a way that is in line with what is important to us and with what makes us feel good. This is the best path we can take. This is the only way that will work for us.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life. 

Finding the Voice of the Self: Psychosynthesis and Intuition

Posted on by Allan Johnson in Psychosynthesis

One of the central tools of psychosynthesis is the exploration and integration of a person’s subpersonalities. To ensure its survival, the ego has developed a complex network of subpersonalities that enables it to fulfil its specific needs. The subpersonalities are the functions of our ego that are specific to a particular individual and serve to maintain our sense of self and the identity of the ego. They are the masks and protective disguises that the ego uses to create a sense of identity. As an individual progresses in psychosynthesis, they are able to integrate their various subpersonalities so that they are no longer divided into separate and competing parts, but form a unified functioning system.

But who is the conductor of this orchestra of subpersonalities within each of us? How are we able to connect with the sense of Self that exists at our true core? This inner knowing is what we call intuition. It takes place in stillness and in the presence of inspiration that comes from another level, often through asking and waiting. The ability to feel this oneness with the Self develops through constant exploration of one’s inner world and through a process of introspection that enables one to recognise the various masks and disguises of the subpersonalities, the various roles and self-images that the ego plays. To bridge this gap, mind and heart must be ready and there must be at least a beginning of trust in one’s own ability to “know”. We can develop intuition and a sense of the presence of the Self by simply sitting quietly and observing what is present in the mind and heart.

Intuition does not have to be taught, it has to be allowed. It is an ability that has always been dormant within us, waiting for us to turn towards it, just as a flower turns towards the sun. To develop intuition, it is helpful to be mindful, to sit still and observe what is there. We can begin with a small willingness to “know” more of the truth, light and wisdom when it comes to our own lives and the lives of those we love. We can begin to welcome in the removal of obstacles that cloud our understanding or affect our perception of truth. We can begin to trust ourselves and the truth more as we notice our thoughts and feelings, as we pay attention to what is happening in the world and to those around us. We can begin to observe our everyday activities and recognise the masks and disguises that our ego plays up.

The desire to get in touch with a greater clarity opens the doors to inner knowing, especially if this desire is accompanied by a willingness to receive and pay attention to what we hear or see. There are people who “know” things but do not believe what their inner senses tell them. They judge and reject what they feel or believe. This decision closes the doors to higher perception because it gives more power to fear: the fear of being wrong, the fear of being different, the fear of having to change one’s life because of what one hears. To open the doors to intuition and keep them open, we must be willing to hear and know, and we must be willing to trust.

Trust is not an easy thing, because it often requires a re-evaluation of how we have lived our lives. It may be that life has forced us to become more practical, more focused on the daily tasks of living and caring for others. Or it may be that we have made mistakes in the past when it came to who or what we trust. It may also be that we have forgotten that we have the capacity to feel more, sense more or be more open to life on all levels. Trust does not only involve the willingness to receive something from another level of our being. It also involves the willingness to believe in our own ability to flow with life and to change what needs to be changed on the outside or on the inside to do so.

The more we stay true to ourselves, the more our lives begin to change, the more we open up to ourselves and the more we open up to truth. The more we stay true to ourselves, the more our lives begin to change, the more we open up to ourselves and the more we open up to the truth.

Especially today, when we as a collective humanity are faced with so many major problems and so many actions are being taken that can have profound effects on all of humanity, it is crucial that we reclaim our capacity to know and trust, from which intuition springs. Otherwise we find ourselves in the precarious position of not knowing what or who to believe, not knowing what direction to take to improve the world and alleviate the immense suffering that currently exists. Without access to the deeper intuitive sense that is a part of us, we live at the mercy of public opinion rather than in the presence of truth. We have not forgotten the power of intuition, the power of what we feel to be true. We have only forgotten the depth of our own intuition. We have only forgotten that we have the capacity to feel more, to sense more or to be more open to life on all levels.

It is time to allow our inner senses to awaken and become the beings that we are. The times we live in demand this of us, and for each of us, the heart demands this of us so that we can begin to solve the problems and challenges that are immediately before us. We do not have to go to remote places to develop this ability further. We can begin to develop intuition in our daily lives by paying attention to the inner guidance that can guide us through our daily actions and decisions. We can begin to trust our intuition, our inner knowing, and if we are willing to open ourselves to the truth, intuition can be a powerful guide to making the right choices. The world is full of signs that tell us what to do. Signs that tell us to be healthy, to care for the environment, to be in harmony with ourselves, with society and with nature. We can begin to trust the signs that are there, to listen to what we believe to be true, to pay attention to what we feel in the body and to remember that there is much we do not need to understand or know in order to make good choices for ourselves and our loved ones.

Recognising the gifts of intuition may not happen immediately, but it will happen. The more we begin to open our hearts, the more we can listen to the voice of the heart and the more we can be guided by it. We can make the decision at any time to listen to the heart and return to the Self. With this simple action, we break through the ego’s defences and act with and for the soul.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life. 

The Mindfulness Principles

Posted on by Allan Johnson in meditation, mindfulness

Mindfulness doesn’t merely teach us to centre our minds in the present, but to powerful reorient ourselves to the full timeline of our lived experiences.   In doing so, we learn to recognise our experiences of the world around us in powerfully transformative ways.  While some may start with the concern that mindfulness is a selfish turn inward that removes them from the facts and realities of the world, that inward turn is only for a moment—the ultimate aim of mindfulness practices is, in fact, a return to the world that we are unconsciously watching pass by. 

Jon Kabat-Zinn described a number of mindfulness attitudes, which I like to summarise like this:

  • Non-judgement refers to the practicing of observing the moment without attributing positive or negative traits to it—instead, a non-judgemental approach seeks to simply recognise and reside with the thought, emotion, or moment.
  • Patience is the ability to allow events to come and to leave in their own time rather than trying to force one’s own expectations of how something should or shouldn’t be.
  • Developing a beginner’s mind enables us to see things fresh so that we are able to fully recognise their full implications without forcing our own preconceptions or expectations onto the experience.
  • By developing trust we learn to recognise that there is a great deal of wisdom in ourselves and as we connect fully to the present we are able to see things as they truly are.
  • Non-striving reminds us that even though our society pushes us towards goals and objectives, that we should allow events, emotions, and ideas to simply unfold without attempting to force a specific aim.
  • Acceptance is the willingness to see events, emotions, and ideas as they are and not trying to change things unnecessarily.
  • By letting go we can allow our mind to release unnecessary patterns or ideas that do not serve a greater purpose.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life.