Tag: relationships

Metaconsciousness: Becoming Aware of the Ways We’re Driven

Posted on by Allan Johnson in Observations

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much of life unfolds beneath the surface of our awareness, not just in the mysterious depths of the unconscious, but also in the quieter, more practical rhythms of habit, mood, and reaction. What if our real work is to notice not just what we’re conscious of, but how consciousness itself is being directed?

That’s what is meant by metaconsciousness, the capacity to recognise when we are being driven by hormones, hunger, fear of rejection, deadlines, the steady dopamine drip of our phones, or the deep psychic grooves of childhood conditioning. In my own experience—especially during the past few months of moving between projects, planning new teaching, and reshaping routines—this awareness has felt like an internal turning point. The challenge isn’t simply to ‘be mindful’, but to discern the layers of agency beneath the surface: Who, exactly, is choosing what I’m doing right now?

When I start to ask that question seriously, it becomes uncomfortable. I notice how much of my day is already spoken for by subtle compulsions masquerading as preferences. Even something as benign as checking email can carry the faint pulse of anxiety, a microdose of control. We like to believe that modern life rewards autonomy and discernment, but in practice it trains us in reactivity, which is, by definition, the opposite of freedom.

From Consciousness to Metaconsciousness

Consciousness, in this view, is not a steady state but a constantly fluctuating field of attention. It’s automatic, embodied, and largely determined by biological imperatives. You feel hunger, so you eat. You feel threatened, so you defend. You feel bored, so you reach for your phone. These are not moral failings; they’re simply how the nervous system evolved to keep us alive.

Metaconsciousness, though, introduces a different quality. It’s what happens when we see that we’re acting automatically and hold that recognition with curiosity rather than judgment. There’s a subtle but profound difference between saying ‘I’m angry’ and ‘I notice that anger is arising’. The first statement identifies with the emotion; the second observes it. And in that observation lies the seed of freedom.

This is why contemplative practice remains, for me, one of the few truly radical technologies of our time. Sitting quietly, noticing the mind’s movements without needing to edit or manage them, slowly reveals how much of what we call “self” is just a cascade of impulses, stories, and inherited scripts. Over time, a new perspective opens—one that isn’t outside the body but is no longer confined by it.

If you’re drawn to exploring this dimension in your own creative or professional life, I’ll be leading an online session called Mindfulness for Creatives: Cultivating Focus, Flow, and Inspiration on 23 October (7.30–9.00pm, UK time). We’ll look at practical tools for noticing when attention narrows or scatters—and how that awareness can restore genuine inspiration.

The Drama of the Driven Life

Of course, once we begin to see how we’re driven, another pattern emerges: the drama of selfhood. Many of us unconsciously replay emotional scripts that were formed long before adulthood, such as seeking validation, fearing abandonment, or rescuing others to avoid our own discomfort. These patterns aren’t evidence of failure but they are evidence that we are living out of old perspectives and potentially trying to replicate old relationships from the past, especially the damaging or traumatic ones.

But they can also be exhausting. In coaching and in my own reflective practice, I’ve seen how deeply these dynamics colour our work, our love, and even our whole sense of purpose. The shift toward metaconsciousness invites us to watch these patterns with compassion and detachment, and to move, in psychological terms, from within the drama to observing it.

This theme forms the heart of my upcoming workshop Stopping the Drama Cycle: A Workshop on Love & Our Limiting Patterns on 3 November (7.00–8.30pm, UK time). It’s an evening devoted to understanding how we get pulled into emotional triangulations—the victim, rescuer, and persecutor roles that Karpman identified—and how to step into a more mature and loving mode of engagement. If you’ve ever felt trapped in repetition, whether in relationships or creative work, this session offers a clear, compassionate way through.

Beyond Insight: Practicing the Miraculous

Metaconsciousness doesn’t stop at awareness; it calls for us to do something with it and act from a deeper centre. For me, this is where A Course in Miracles becomes a training in radical perception. Its central insight, that we can learn to see differently, aligns perfectly with the idea of metaconsciousness: we are not our automatic thoughts, but the awareness capable of choosing love instead of fear.

In Practical Miracles: Practicing the Course Beyond the Book on 8 November (2–5pm, UK time), we’ll explore this integration more experientially. How do we move from intellectual understanding to lived transformation? How do we reframe life’s small irritations as opportunities to practice gentler perception? This isn’t about metaphysical abstraction but about everyday miracle-mindedness: the courage to meet the driven mind with tenderness.

A Season of Turning Inward

As autumn settles in, I find myself slowing down a bit. The academic year begins; projects find their rhythm; the light changes. Each season asks for its own form of consciousness, and autumn, for me, always invites metaconsciousness. It’s the season of noticing how we’re driven: by deadlines, by expectations, by the desire to finish before winter.

But it’s also the season of release. Of choosing what’s worth carrying forward and what can gently fall away. In this way, the movement from consciousness to metaconsciousness mirrors the movement from doing to being—from the leaf’s impulse to hold the branch to its graceful surrender to air.

If you’ve been following some of my recent writing on what our books say about us or how to develop positive morning rituals, you’ll recognise the same undercurrent: how to live well within limits. To become aware not only of what drives us, but of the stillness beneath those drives.

And that, I suspect, is the quiet art of metaconsciousness. Not transcending the body or renouncing the world, but inhabiting both more fully—knowing that our thoughts and feelings will continue to move like weather, while something deeper watches with patience.

If you’d like to explore that space with others this autumn, I hope you’ll join one—or several—of these gatherings.

Upcoming Workshops

How to Create Meaningful Conversations That Matter

Posted on by Allan Johnson in Observations

How often do your conversations feel like two people are just waiting for their turn without anyone really listening? If you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone. Many of us experience moments when dialogue seems superficial and disconnected, offering little understanding or meaningful exchange. At its best, communication is a rich and shared experience, weaving together thoughts, feelings, and ideas that create a tapestry of connection and empathy. However, all too often it degenerates into fragmented interactions, leaving us feeling unseen and unheard, as if our voices are merely echoes bouncing off the walls rather than genuine expressions of our thoughts and emotions. It’s crucial to recognize these patterns and strive for deeper connections, fostering an environment where every participant feels valued and engaged, ultimately transforming mundane exchanges into profound conversations that enrich our relationships and enhance our understanding of one another.

By understanding and learning to deal with these breakdowns, we can change not only the way we speak, but also the way we relate to others in a more profound manner. Some of the most common pitfalls in communication come not from a lack of effort, but from ingrained habits that unintentionally distance us from those we want to connect with, leading to misunderstandings and frustrations. By recognising these tendencies and replacing them with mindful, conscious practices that involve active listening, empathy, and openness, we can cultivate conversations that are truly enriching for both parties. This commitment to improving our communication skills not only enhances our personal relationships but also fosters a more compassionate and understanding environment in various social contexts, ultimately allowing us to bridge emotional gaps and foster a deeper sense of community.

A common obstacle in communication is what I call the “me too” effect. This effect occurs when someone shares a story, thought, or concern, and we immediately respond by relating it back to our own experiences, sometimes without even realizing it. For example, a friend might tell us about a trip to Spain, sharing vivid details about the culture, cuisine, and the unique experiences they had exploring the vibrant streets of Madrid. Instead of engaging fully with their narrative and asking questions to delve deeper into their experience, we might abruptly interject with our own memories of Spain: “Oh, I was there too! Have you been to Barcelona?” While sharing similarities can indeed build a relationship and foster a sense of camaraderie, this pattern often shifts the focus away from the speaker and onto ourselves. The conversation then becomes less about genuine connection and more about comparison and validation, albeit unintentionally. This subtle shift not only diminishes the speaker’s narrative but can also leave them feeling unheard or undervalued, as if their unique experiences are merely a segue into our own stories rather than appreciated in their own right. Engaging more mindfully could enhance our connections, allowing for richer dialogues that honor each person’s perspective.

Another common problem is poor communication of needs. We often focus on what we don’t want instead of articulating what we do want, leading to misunderstandings that can create friction in relationships. For example, if you say, “Don’t call me late at night,” you are setting a boundary but not communicating the underlying preference: “Please call me during the day.” This subtle shift from negative to positive wording makes a big difference. It not only clarifies expectations, allowing both parties to understand each other better, but it also promotes a more constructive and cooperative dynamic. By expressing our needs positively, we invite dialogue and create an environment where both individuals feel respected and valued, fostering deeper connections. Additionally, this approach encourages others to open up about their own preferences without fear of judgment, leading to healthier and more harmonious interactions.

Closely related to this is the misuse of “you” statements, which can inadvertently assign blame and escalate conflicts unnecessarily. Phrases like “You’re always interrupting me” or “You never listen to me” put the speaker in a defensive position that often precludes the possibility of genuine dialogue and can lead to misunderstandings. These kinds of statements often trigger reactive emotions in the listener, making them feel attacked and less willing to engage in constructive conversation. In contrast, “I” statements — such as “I get frustrated when I’m interrupted” — allow us to express our feelings in a more personal and vulnerable way while acknowledging our experiences. This subtle shift invites empathy rather than defensiveness and creates space for an authentic and productive exchange. By focusing on our own feelings, we encourage mutual understanding, fostering an environment where both parties feel heard and valued, ultimately leading to more effective communication and stronger relationships.

To avoid these pitfalls, we can use a number of strategies to improve the quality of our interactions. Firstly, it is important to take responsibility for our emotions and reactions, as this creates a foundation for healthier relationships. This starts with the consistent use of “I” statements that anchor our feelings in our own experience rather than projecting them onto others. For example, instead of saying, “You never make time for me,” we might say, “I feel unimportant when we don’t spend time together.” This approach not only promotes mutual understanding and reduces the likelihood of conflict, but it also encourages the other person to respond compassionately rather than defensively. By articulating our feelings in this manner, we invite more open dialogue and create a space where both parties feel heard and valued. Additionally, practicing active listening during such discussions can further enhance empathy, allowing us to appreciate the other person’s viewpoint and work collaboratively towards a resolution. This intentional communication fosters stronger connections and empowers both individuals to navigate their emotional landscapes more effectively.

Another powerful tool is to engage in conversations instead of continuing them. Instead of directing the dialogue to our own experiences, we can build on what the other person has shared. For example, if someone describes a challenge at work, instead of saying, “That reminds me of something similar I experienced,” we can ask, “That sounds hard. How did you overcome it?” This technique draws focus to the speaker, shows genuine interest and encourages them to share more.

Perhaps the most transformative exercise in communication is to prioritise understanding over being understood. Active listening is at the heart of this approach. By fully engaging with what someone is saying and gently paraphrasing their words, we not only validate their feelings but also provide clarity. For example, if a friend says, “I’m fine,” but their tone suggests otherwise, we might respond, “You say you’re fine, but I sense something is bothering you. Is that right?” This creates space for honesty and connection.

Active listening also helps us to manage the complexity of implicit communication. So often what people say is only the surface of what they mean. By tuning into the tone of voice, body language and context, we can uncover the deeper emotions or concerns that may be at play. This requires patience and a willingness to be present — a skill that can be honed through mindful practises.

As a mindfulness teacher, I have observed how meditation can significantly improve our ability to communicate, enhancing both personal and professional relationships. A sustained mindfulness practise cultivates self-awareness, which in turn deepens our awareness of others, allowing us to truly listen and connect. When we meditate regularly, we learn to approach interactions with curiosity rather than judgement, with presence rather than distraction. This shift doesn’t happen overnight; it requires patience and commitment, but with consistent effort, it changes the way we interact with ourselves and the people around us. People begin to notice that their conversations are more meaningful, fostering greater empathy and understanding. Moreover, as we grow in our mindfulness, we become more adept at navigating conflicts, leading to healthier discussions. Ultimately, the benefits of this practice extend beyond our immediate surroundings, influencing our contributions to the wider community, and creating a ripple effect of compassion and clarity that can transform the cultural landscape of communication.

Meditation strengthens our ability to pause before we react–a skill that is invaluable in communication. Imagine a heated argument where your first instinct is to lash out, driven by emotions bubbling under the surface. Mindfulness allows you to notice this impulse, take a breath, and choose a more considered response, creating a space between your feelings and your actions. This doesn’t mean you suppress your feelings, which can lead to resentment or misunderstanding; instead, it encourages you to express them in a thoughtful manner. You can articulate your concerns clearly and assertively, which not only fosters understanding but also builds trust. This approach aligns with your values and favours resolution rather than escalation, ultimately contributing to healthier relationships and more productive conversations. Moreover, by practicing mindfulness regularly, you cultivate a deeper awareness of your thoughts and emotions, equipping yourself with tools to navigate challenging interactions with grace and composure.

Mindfulness also teaches us to view conversations as opportunities for co-creation, fostering a deeper sense of interconnectedness with one another. With nothing more than words and presence, we possess the profound ability to build understanding, offer genuine support, and co-create meaning that resonates beyond the surface level. This mindset transforms even the most mundane everyday interactions into meaningful moments of connection and significance, allowing us to engage with the world around us more authentically. When we are fully present and listen not just to respond, but to understand, we enrich not only our own lives but also the lives of those we interact with, creating a ripple effect of compassion and empathy that can strengthen our relationships and communities. Engaging in this mindful practice encourages openness, revealing insights about ourselves and others that lead to deeper bonds and shared experiences.

Like dancing, communication requires both participants to be attuned to each other’s movements, rhythm, and cues. If one person leads too aggressively or does not respond to their partner’s gestures or emotions, the dance stalls and can quickly become uncomfortable, leading to missteps and confusion. However, if both partners are fully present and responsive to each other, mirroring intentions with grace and understanding, the result is fluid and harmonious, creating a beautiful exchange of ideas and feelings. Similarly, effective communication involves more than just the spoken word; it requires that we balance expression and receptivity, individuality and reciprocity. It is essential to listen actively, showing genuine interest in the other person’s perspective while also being willing to share our own thoughts and emotions with vulnerability. This dynamic interplay fosters deeper connections and enriches our interactions, allowing for a more profound understanding and a sense of partnership that echoes the essence of a well-executed dance.

This delicate balance is particularly evident in moments of conflict or vulnerability. When someone expresses hurt or frustration, we might instinctively try to defend ourselves or change the subject, as these reactions often stem from a deep-seated need to protect our own emotions. However, when we engage with the discomfort and prioritize the other person’s perspective, we create a safe space for healing and growth, allowing us to bridge the gaps that often divide us. This engagement can lead to deeper understanding and empathy, fostering connection even in the midst of disagreement. It is essential to listen actively, acknowledging the other person’s feelings without judgment. This does not mean that we have to give up our own needs or invalidate our experiences. Rather, it is about creating space for both perspectives to coexist harmoniously, encouraging open communication and mutual respect, ultimately enriching our relationships and promoting emotional resilience.

Subscribe to my free newsletter for more tools, guided meditations, and productivity insights.

If you want to start putting these ideas into action, you can sign up for Integrative Meditation (Level 1). This course represents the culmination of years of learning, practice, and personal growth. Integrative Meditation is a comprehensive framework designed to enhance your mental and emotional well-being. It draws on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), positive psychology, neuroscience, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), journaling, and breathwork to support you in reducing stress, enhancing focus, building emotional resilience, and discovering your true self.

Taking Responsibility for Your Emotional Needs

Posted on by Allan Johnson in Observations

Have you ever felt frustrated because others aren’t meeting your needs—whether it’s a partner, family member, or friend? That frustration, that nagging sense of being let down, is a common and deeply human experience. It stems from the reality that we often look outward, expecting others to fill emotional voids or fulfil needs that we might not fully understand ourselves. This can lead to a spiral of disappointment and resentment. However, the key to breaking free from this cycle lies in a mindset shift: taking responsibility for meeting your own needs. This isn’t about selfishness or isolation, but about cultivating a healthy sense of self-responsibility and self-efficacy, equipping ourselves to live fulfilling lives while showing up more effectively for those around us.

When we talk about meeting our own needs, we are not advocating for detachment from others or denying the essential nature of human connection. Instead, it is about balance. Oprah Winfrey succinctly captured this concept when she said, “You are responsible for your life. If you’re sitting around waiting for someone to save you, to fix you, or even to help you, you’re wasting your time. Only you have the power to take responsibility and move your life forward.” Her words resonate because they underline a fundamental truth: we are the architects of our emotional and relational worlds. While others can contribute to our happiness, they cannot bear sole responsibility for it.

When our emotional needs go unmet—whether because we expect too much from others or because we lack clarity about what we need—the consequences can ripple through our lives. Feelings of frustration, resentment, and even burnout can emerge. These emotions, left unchecked, can damage our relationships, creating a dynamic where unmet needs breed blame and dissatisfaction. For instance, if someone depends entirely on their partner to validate their self-worth or sustain their happiness, it places immense pressure on the relationship. When these expectations inevitably go unmet, disappointment and tension follow.

Taking responsibility for our emotional needs begins with acknowledging that while relationships are crucial, we must cultivate internal resources to support our well-being. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask for help or express our desires; it means understanding that the primary responsibility for our emotional health lies with us. A practical starting point is the use of “I” statements, a communication technique that allows us to express feelings and needs without assigning blame. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” we might say, “I feel unheard when we talk, and I need more understanding.” This subtle shift reorients the conversation, emphasising our feelings and needs rather than casting judgment on the other person’s behaviour.

The power of “I” statements lies in their ability to focus on what is within our control—our emotions and reactions—while fostering healthier communication. By leading with statements like, “I feel upset when this happens,” we take ownership of our emotional experiences. This approach is not about denying the validity of external frustrations but about reframing how we process and articulate them. When we place the entirety of relational responsibility on someone else, we relinquish control over our emotional state. Reclaiming that control through self-awareness and effective communication is empowering.

This reframing is particularly significant for people who naturally gravitate toward caregiving or people-pleasing roles. Many of us are conditioned to think that prioritising our own needs is selfish. In reality, neglecting our needs often leads to feelings of being used, drained, or mistreated. As Brené Brown wisely observed, “When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” Setting boundaries is not about exclusion but about preserving the emotional energy necessary to be fully present in our relationships. Much like the oxygen mask analogy on airplanes, we must care for ourselves first if we hope to support others effectively.

The process of meeting our own needs begins with self-awareness. To meet our needs, we must first understand what they are. This introspective work can take many forms: journaling, meditation, or even movement-based practices like yoga or tai chi. These practices help us connect with our inner selves, identifying what we crave emotionally, mentally, and physically. For those uncertain where to start, exploring guided meditation or reflective exercises can be transformative. Through consistent practice, we can clarify our needs and begin to address them proactively.

Once we’ve identified our needs, the next step is taking deliberate action to fulfil them. This might involve setting boundaries, seeking out resources, or developing skills to foster independence and self-sufficiency. Communicating needs to others is also essential, but the framing of these conversations matters. Returning to the use of “I” statements, we can express our needs without creating an adversarial dynamic. For example, instead of accusing a friend of being dismissive, we might say, “I feel hurt when my thoughts aren’t acknowledged, and I value feeling heard.” These subtle adjustments open the door to constructive dialogue and mutual understanding.

As we navigate this journey of self-responsibility, practicing self-compassion becomes essential. Self-compassion allows us to approach this process with kindness rather than judgment. We are all works in progress, learning and evolving through our relationships and experiences. There is no definitive endpoint to relational growth; it is an ongoing journey. By cultivating patience and understanding toward ourselves, we create a foundation of resilience, enabling us to extend that same grace to others.

Taking responsibility for our needs does not mean isolation or self-reliance to the exclusion of others. Rather, it is about creating a balanced dynamic where we meet our own needs while remaining open to the love, support, and connection others provide. This approach ensures that we are not overly dependent on external sources for validation or happiness, allowing our relationships to flourish in healthier and more sustainable ways.

As you consider this concept, take a moment to reflect on what meeting your own needs might look like in your life right now. Are there areas where you feel frustrated or unfulfilled? What small steps can you take to address those feelings? Perhaps it’s setting a boundary with someone who consistently drains your energy, or maybe it’s carving out time for a hobby or practice that brings you joy. Even small actions can build momentum, leading to greater emotional autonomy and relational satisfaction.

By shifting our focus inward, we empower ourselves to live more balanced, fulfilling lives. This process benefits not only us but also those around us, as we are better equipped to show up for others when we are emotionally whole. Taking responsibility for our needs is not a one-time act but an ongoing practice—a commitment to self-awareness, communication, and compassion that enriches both our inner lives and our relationships.

Subscribe to my free newsletter for more tools, guided meditations, and productivity insights.

If you want to start putting these ideas into action, you can sign up for Integrative Meditation (Level 1). This course represents the culmination of years of learning, practice, and personal growth. Integrative Meditation is a comprehensive framework designed to enhance your mental and emotional well-being. It draws on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), positive psychology, neuroscience, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), journaling, and breathwork to support you in reducing stress, enhancing focus, building emotional resilience, and discovering your true self.

Mastering 2024 with a Personal Annual Review

Posted on by Allan Johnson in habits, intention, Observations, Productivity

Review and reflection are an important part of the creative process, but one that is often underestimated or completely undervalued. Having those moments where we look at the work we’ve completed and realise how we’ve changed and grown as a result, and what new opportunities or challenges present themselves to us in the future, is part of the process of constant iteration and growth.

An annual reflection is an opportunity to reconnect with our purpose and find a greater sense of clarity, recognise growth, and ensure we’re aligned with our long-term goals. It’s also about being more accepting of change, recognising how we have grown over the year, but also that we want to continue to grow in the year ahead. 

Reflection encourages creative innovation, and it’s something I’ve been doing regularly in the last few weeks of December over the last few years. The tool I use to structure the questions of my annual review is what is called the PERMA Model, developed by positive psychologist Martin Seligman. This model provides a holistic framework for understanding and improving our wellbeing and focuses on five essential elements that contribute to a flourishing and truly fulfilling life. 

  • P stands for ‘Positive Emotion’ and emphasises the importance of feeling joy, gratitude and contentment. 
  • E is for ‘Engagement’ and encourages us to seek out activities that put us in a state of flow and immerse us deeply in the world around us. 
  • R stands for ‘Relationships’, recognising the important role of positive social relationships and communities in our overall wellbeing.
  • M refers to ‘Meaning’, encouraging us to find purpose and significance in our actions and behaviours. 
  • Finally, A represents ‘Achievement’ or ‘Accomplishment’, recognising the importance of engaging in and pursuing meaningful challenges to foster a sense of competence and growth within us. 

This model emphasises the interconnectedness of all these elements, asserting that a balance between positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement leads to a more robust and inclusive sense of wellbeing. 

The PERMA model is a practical guide to improving our overall life satisfaction and a tool to help us reflect on the past year and plan for the year ahead. It can serve as a framework for our personal annual review and provides a nuanced lens through which we can evaluate the different facets of our lives. 

The strength of the model is that it allows us to holistically assess our situation and our progress this year, so that the annual review goes beyond simply setting goals. Instead, this approach encourages us to explore our emotional wellbeing as part of our creative process. It encourages quality social relationships and the pursuit of activities that contribute to a greater sense of purpose as you move towards your personal goal. 

PERMA ensures that every element of a balanced life is brought into focus. Like any other annual review it incorporates a focus on achievements, but it doesn’t stop there, as it emphasises the importance of living in a way that aligns with with our personal values and which fosters a deep sense of purpose. Elements of personal growth such as engagement and purpose are placed centre stage and we’re asked to reflect on how we have developed and what we have learned. 

PERMA can transform our personal review from a mere checklist of achievements into a powerful journey of reflection. It invites us to explore emotions, evaluate commitment, cultivate meaningful relationships, find goals and celebrate successes, encouraging a continuous and adaptive approach to our self-improvement. 

To do your personal review, start by finding a comfortable, private space and take some time to make it really cosy and inviting for you. This could mean lighting a candle or pouring yourself a cup of tea or coffee, perhaps with some music playing in the background. And then sit down with a notebook and write down your answers to these PERMA questions. Trust your instincts and don’t overthink your response. 

Positive Emotions (P):

  • What were the most joyful moments you experienced throughout the past year?
  • Reflecting on challenging times, how did you cultivate positive emotions to navigate difficulties?
  • Did you engage in activities that brought you a sense of contentment and fulfilment?
  • How can you incorporate more activities that elicit positive emotions into the upcoming year?

Engagement (E):

  • Identify the activities or projects that made you feel completely absorbed and engaged.
  • Were there times when you experienced a state of flow, losing track of time while working on something meaningful?
  • Did you pursue hobbies or interests that brought a deep sense of satisfaction and engagement?
  • How can you structure your daily or weekly routine to include more activities that bring a sense of engagement?

Relationships (R):

  • Reflect on the quality of your relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.
  • Were there any conflicts or challenges in your relationships that need resolution or improvement?
  • What actions did you take to strengthen existing relationships or cultivate new meaningful connections?
  • How can you prioritise and nurture your relationships in the upcoming year?

Meaning (M):

  • Consider the goals and values that provided a sense of purpose in the past year.
  • Were there moments when you questioned or reaffirmed your sense of meaning and purpose?
  • Reflect on activities that aligned with your personal values and contributed to a greater sense of meaning.
  • What new goals or areas of focus can you explore to enhance the overall meaning in your life?

Accomplishment/Achievement (A):

  • List your significant achievements and accomplishments over the past year.
  • Reflect on goals you set for yourself and assess the progress you made toward achieving them.
  • Were there any setbacks or obstacles that impacted your sense of achievement, and how did you overcome them?
  • What new goals or challenges do you want to set for yourself in the coming year?

In The Path of Mindful Living: A 21-Day Mindfulness Companion, I lead you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and show you how to bring mindfulness into your daily life. Readers of my blog can download the workbook and pullout charts for only £6.

Listening to Another’s Soul

Posted on by Allan Johnson in attachment

Much of the spiritual work we do is learning to listen to and connect with our own soul. Through this connection we are able to reach a deeper place of peace, happiness, and fulfilment where we can embrace all that life has to offer. In this way we are able to connect with the truth of who we are and the deeper meaning and purpose we see, and connect with our inner wisdom, even in the midst of a busy life.

But can we also learn to listen to the souls of others? We are poor observers of our own behaviour and often even worse observers of those around us. We are also generally not very accurate at interpreting the motivations behind other people’s actions, and often mistakenly assume that we know why people do what they do. When we encounter someone doing something that makes no sense to us, our first impulse is to make a negative judgement. We may think they are selfish, lazy, or hard-hearted. Rarely does this kind of judgement lead to a positive change in the other person’s behaviour or in our own. Instead, we seem to point the finger at others and feel bad about ourselves, just as the other person feels bad.

The disconnection we feel from others is one of the most powerful features of the human experience, and the inability to ever fully know another person is one of our greatest challenges. We can make assumptions about how someone else feels, what their intentions are, or why they have acted in a certain way. But these assumptions are always based on our own experiences and our own interpretation of the situation. In our efforts to help or assist others, we often make the mistake of jumping to conclusions. Rarely do we take the time to really look at the situation and really understand what is going on. Instead, we adopt our own interpretation of what happened or, even worse, we adopt someone else’s interpretation.

No matter how well-meaning we are, the reality is that we can never fully know what is going on inside someone else. But when we assume we do not know the whole story, we are forced to look for more information and connect more with the person in front of us. We open our awareness to the whole picture and not just the picture we want to see. In this way, we can learn to listen to another person’s soul if we remain open to possibilities. We will never be able to know for sure what another person felt, what their intentions were, or why they behaved the way they did. But we can be certain of some things. We can be sure that each person has their own motivations and intentions. We can also be sure that each person has their own interpretation of what they are experiencing.

To learn how to listen to another person’s soul, we must be willing to accept the mystery of another person’s experience. The truth that lies deep within another person is often very different from the challenges we see on the surface. We have to be willing to accept the possibility that we could be completely wrong about that person, and we have to be willing to accept the possibility that there is another way of looking at that situation that we may never have considered. One of the most powerful ways to listen to another person’s soul is to listen to their hopes and fears. When we listen to another person’s hopes and fears, we are listening to the part of the person that is looking for answers. We listen to the part of the person who is trying to find meaning and purpose in their life.

The only way to understand another person’s truth is to understand their own interpretation of their reality. If we can understand what is most important to them, we can better understand the unique perspective they share with us. We can find a bridge to their soul, their inner wisdom, and their truth. In this way, we can see behind the masks of their ego and self-centred desires and find the deeper truth that lies within us all. When we are able to connect with others in this way, we have the chance to understand them in a deeper way and help them come into alignment with their inner wisdom. We have the opportunity to support them in living a more fulfilling, meaningful and purposeful life.

Download your free 21-day course in The Path of Mindfulness. In this life-changing 21-day mindfulness journey, Dr Allan Kilner-Johnson guides you through a series of self-guided mindfulness exercises and shows you how and when to bring mindfulness into your daily life.